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When you have chemistry with someone, you just feel it. Instead, we spend most of our time studying self-improvementpresentation, and the technical mastery of social minutiae, all in an attempt to excel at the sales job of our romantic and sexual services to possible partners. Dating advice is designed to get that person who we feel is out of our league, to somehow trick or coax or cajole them into noticing us.
Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and values between two people. A priest and a stripper have a major incompatibility and I doubt many end up dating each other. Put simply, if I value women who are intelligent and educated and I meet a high school dropout who values guys who have big muscles and like to hunt deer, then we have a fundamental incompatibility that will probably never be overcome and we will never date one another.
Compatibility usually corresponds to the long-term potential between two people. Educated and liberal people usually date other educated and liberal people. Hedonists usually date other hedonists. Insane religious nuts usually date other insane religious nuts. For no other reason than people of opposite moral values, quite literally, repel each other.
Two people who have a high degree of chemistry have emotional make-ups and personalities that bring out warm, fuzzy emotions in the other, creating a kind of positive feedback loop through which they continue to make each other feel better and better.
And it will be. Specific examples of what creates strong chemistry are harder to peg. It may be the way someone laughs at your jokes, the questions they ask you about your day, the way you hold each other in bed, or how they help you decorate your new apartment.
Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that positively correspond with the login person. Chemistry is felt immediately and by both parties equally. You almost become empaths for one another. A chemistry who is high-strung, energetic and slightly dating will have a high degree of chemistry with a guy who is relaxed, mellow and open. Introverts usually have natural chemistry with extroverts. People who are orderly and intense planners often work best with people who are spontaneous and unorganized.
A lack of chemistry simply results in a lack of emotional intensity. Things just feel kind of dead and boring when you are together. Chemistry is also reflected in the bedroom.
A lack of chemistry will mean boring, emotionless sex. A high degree of chemistry will mean intense, life-altering, heart-pounding sex that causes your mind to cosmically splatter itself on the walls of your consciousness. A relationship with high compatibility but little chemistry is likely to be a boring yet convenient series of meetings and conversations, dry and dull until both parties simply stop caring and drift apart, or they consummate their mutual convenience by getting married and promise themselves a lifetime of simple and asexual companionship.
Chemistry without compatibility on the other hand, usually leads to disaster. Sometimes it can be as simple as not living in the same part of the world. Your behavior becomes completely irrational. High levels of chemistry with major incompatibilities is bad news. These relationships usually begin quickly and passionately, exploding like a flaming geyser, which then extinguishes just as quickly as it began. Reality makes itself known.
And you suddenly realize how fucking offensive you find each other. And getting out is easier said than done. Your heart says yes, but your head says no. And then you convince your head to say yes, which in turn makes your heart say no. And then there you are wherever you go, as they sayand you find yourself jobless with two one-way tickets to Bermuda that were never used, six stitches, slashed car tires and a shattered cell phone.
But at least that psycho is fucking gone even though you still kinda miss them. The experience is vicious yet thrilling, and will never let you forget that we are, after all, animals. Navigating the chemistry territory of life with confidence requires that you understand these concepts. You need to know what you like and what you want in a partner. It becomes insipid and dull, and I refuse to be an insipid or dull person.
Since a long-term relationship with these types of women would necessitate I take up alcoholism as a hobby, we inevitably part ways. I login a girl who likes to travel. And who cares about politics. These are important things to me. Their personalities work with mine in a unique, yet comfortable way for both of us.
I regularly find myself seeing teachers, nurses, social workers, volunteer workers, etc. Relationships can be complicated and difficult. But few people know that there are some pretty clear signals to know if a relationship is going to work or not.
Put your email in the form to receive my page ebook on healthy relationships. Compatibility and Chemistry in Relationships. These are the women who work for me. Who works for you? Join my newsletter and get a free ebook "3 Ideas to Change Your Life".
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Chemistry is made up of subtle login and dispositions that positively correspond with the other person. This includes the following:. Compatibility usually corresponds to the long-term potential between two people. Helen Fisher she is an American chemistry behavior researcher and anthropologist who had studied romantic preferences of people for a long time.
Most dating advice glosses over the concepts of compatibility and chemistry, assuming most people have an intuitive grasp of what they are and why they’re important. A relationship with high compatibility but little chemistry is likely to be a boring yet convenient series of meetings and conversations, dry and dull until both parties simply stop caring and drift apart, or they consummate their mutual convenience by getting married and promise themselves a lifetime of simple and asexual companionship.
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